Real For Me - Snily Oneshot
by hanschens
Summary: After spending his entire day off at Hogwarts searching for Lily Evans, he finally finds her in a deserted classroom only to wish he hadn't.


Finding Lily Evans was never an easy task. She always liked to wander. And worse, she liked to hide. She would always check out books from the library, but she would never stay there. Instead, she liked to roam the castle and find quiet places to read when she didn't have anything else to do. Severus had searched all the usual places. "Lily, are you here?" His voice echoed back to him from the empty storage cupboard. Severus grunted as he slammed the door. He had checked under the bleachers on the quidditch pitch, and near the Ravenclaw common room where she liked to try to solve the riddles. A redness spread across his face as his temper began to rise. She was becoming exceedingly well at avoiding him.

He turned the corner, face down and not really watching where he was going. "Snivellus!" His blood turned cold as he recognized the laughter. "Do they let people like you wander the halls so freely?" James had a big grin on his face and Sirius stood behind him with his hands on James' shoulders, egging him on. "What? No conversation today?" Severus glared. "Shut it, Potter." It was only the two of them today. They weren't going to take him on without the whole group because they knew Severus was more advanced without Remus around. They laughed and Sirius stuck out a foot as they passed which he'd failed to see. It took Severus a moment to calm himself down and get back up to continue looking for Lily.

Severus was now on the fourth floor, searching empty classrooms. It would just be his luck not to be able to find her. It had been hard enough trying to find Lily when they were openly friends, let alone now, when she was avoiding him altogether. Being in separate houses was already enough for him to deal with. A few years ago a prefect, Malfoy, told him to forget about her and that better things would come his way. But how could he? One look at her made Severus remember that she was his best friend. If anything, his only real friend. Lily was the only one, at least, that he could trust.

He flung the door of the classroom open in a forceful movement, expecting to find no one. He was quite shocked to see Lily, clearly surprised, staring back at him. "Sev, what are you doing here?" She shut her book and turned to face him, remaining seated. He shut the door quickly, almost as if he was afraid she was going to disappear again if he left it ajar, and tried to speak. He couldn't exactly tell her he'd been looking for her all day. "I- I didn't know you were here." His voice was sharp.

"Didn't know I was here? You certainly burst in here like you were on a quest for something." Lily rose, putting her book on the desk she had been sitting at. "Severus Snape, you have not been stalking me again have you? You know how weird that is. And I don't like." The boy's cheeks turned a very red colour and he ran his fingers through his greasy, shoulder-length hair. "I wasn't stalking you!" Somehow he always ended up getting defensive when Lily accused him of things that they both knew to be true. "I'd never do that!"

"Really?" She had her hands on her hips now. "Because you've certainly had no problem with it before." Her words stung. Severus looked down at his feet as he remembered the time James and Sirius had caught him trying to find a way into the Gryffindor common room. "Sorry, Sev." Her voice was apologetic. "You just know that there are some boundaries to our friendship."

"Is it because of Potter?" He had spoken without thinking, and the disgust for the Gryffindor boy was clear in his voice. It took Severus a great deal of self-control to continue to stare at his feet and not glance up at Lily, though he was sure he didn't want to anyways. "Severus! Don't even bring that into this! You know exactly how I feel about James!"

The brunette sat down against the windowsill as Lily continued her rant. He knew he shouldn't have opened his mouth. Somehow she always started complaining about James, but in the end, he felt like she almost liked him. "That brute. He's rude, and insensitive... and... Well, he thinks he's just the best at everything." Severus folded his arms as he watched Lily pace back and forth, counting off things aloud on her fingers.

"I mean sure, he's good at quidditch, and well, I mean he's handsome, but he's just so.. Ah!" She hit the top of a desk with her hand. "You know, Sev?" He nodded reluctantly, knowing that she wasn't finished yet. He began to regret walking around Hogwarts all day searching for her. "I mean I could never- No. To even think.. Severus, why would you even bring that up?! He's not even very intelligent, and all he does is pull those stupid pranks and-"

"I'm intelligent." Severus interjected. There was obvious confusion in her face as she stopped pacing and glanced back at him. "What?" He sighed deeply before continuing. "I said... I'm intelligent."

"Yeah, but you aren't exactly the nicest person either." Her inflection on 'you' made him feel as though she was referring to specific things that occurred between the two of them.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He unfolded his arms and glared at her.

"Well, look how you treat Tuney." Lily's voice became distant sad as she walked towards him and took a seat beside him.

"That's because of how she treats you! All she does is-"

"That doesn't matter, Sev! We're sisters! And you're my best friend!" Severus fell silent and Lily glanced down at her folded hands.

"Am I?"

"See! There you go again. Why do you always doubt everything I say?"

"I don't know, Lily! Maybe because you've been avoiding me."

"I haven't been. I've just been… busy." She looked away.

Severus knew better. "Why?"

The redhead looked frustrated. She through her hands into the air as she spoke and sat back down. He watched her carefully. "I don't know, Sev, okay? It's just hard. I mean, we aren't even in the same house. That alone makes it hard. And then there's school, and..."

"And…?"

"And then there's you." The comment was blunt and straight-forward. He was unsure how to take it, so he just remained silent. "You're so… weird." The way she said the word made him cringe. The inflection had been used to describe him many times before. "You get angry a lot and sometimes you just say things that… make me wonder. I don't know, Sev."

"Well, it's real for me, Lily." He kept his head down. "Our friendship is real to me. You're real to me." He knew what he was like. He didn't need her telling him too. But he also knew what other people were like. What James and his friends were like. All he did was defend himself. Yet she always seemed to take it the wrong way. He never meant for it to happen like that, but it did.

"I know, Sev." Lily placed her hand on his and for a moment that was all he could focus on. He stared down at her hand and tried not to move his. "But sometimes things don't always work out."

Those were not the words he was expecting to hear from his kind-hearted Lily Evans. "What are you saying?" He whispered.

"Just that we should be friends. Only friends. Nothing else. You need to stop chasing me around everywhere." Her words were slow and hard pressed. "I can't spend every moment with you. We can still talk, I promise, but right now, I have other things that I need to take care of." He felt her squeeze his hand but he wasn't sure if any of it was real anymore. If any of it had been real at all. "It's almost dinner time, I'm going to head down to the Great Hall, okay?"

Lily removed her hand. Why did it feel like he couldn't breathe? Severus wasn't sure what her words meant for them. For their friendship. He was unaware of Lily's soft lips pressed against his cheek until they were gone. "Take care of yourself, Sev. I'll see you around." She grabbed her book off of the desk and left.

He found himself sitting in the same spot half an hour later with his hand still pressed against his cheek where Lily's lips had been. Even though Lily had just said all of that, maybe there was still hope. A chance it could all be real. Real for them.


End file.
